In my new book, Finding Mr. Brightside, Juliette gets dragged out onto the dance floor by twerking dervish Heidi and instinctive robot buster-outer Abram. What does any of that even mean? See below for a more detailed explanation.
Here are the 8 known dance floor archetypes (that I can currently think of):
1. Twerking dervish. Has a tendency to indiscriminately rub butt upon the fronts and/or backsides of others. Can often be heard encouraging fellow dancers to do the same/return the favor (“Get it!!!”), as is the case with lovable scene-stealer Heidi in Finding Mr. Brightside.
Most of the time we’re too
drunk nervous to enjoy our first kiss. This is the case for Juliette in my new book, Finding Mr. Brightside, who struggles with her tendency to vacuum the romance out of the room whenever the timing seems sexy enough for a lip lock — e.g., skinny dipping in the Atlantic. If only she’d had the below first-kiss tips, she might’ve jumped in (face first) a lot sooner. Live, learn, make out.
In my new book, Finding Mr. Brightside, Juliette and Abram find themselves having a skinny-dipping moment in the Atlantic ocean. By no means am I personally endorsing such body-baring pastimes, but if you absolutely must show what your mama still considers to be hers, arm and leg yourself with the below tips first.
1. When the person(s) you’re near water with suggest skinny-dipping as an option, don’t act too excited
What’s less exciting than raking leaves? Not much, but bagging them is pretty down there. Which is why this fall I invested in some stupid-looking (but surprisingly valuable!) leaf scoops. Should you follow in my scoopsteps? See the below list of pros and cons first.
1. Before you do anything else, ask your friends and family how they think you should get married. Get as many opinions as possible—it’s always better to make highly personal decisions with the doubts of others swirling around inside your heads.