Will Lumosity make you smarter (or dumber)?

This is my brain on Lumosity. Can you tell the difference?
For those of you who don’t stay up toward the ‘crack enough to see the Lumosity commercials with the dumb short-haired girl cheesing out that it’s “serious brain training” with an animated light bulb over her head, I hate you for getting more sleep than me. For the rest of you, you know you want to try that infomercially goodness, don’t you?

 

How do I trick my sister into naming her baby after me?

Nothing says J like this cracked-out coffee-bean design.
The more I think about stuff, the more important it is for me to get my way about it. But especially with my sister’s baby-naming process.

As mentioned in my previous My Sister’s Pregnant blog, which sort of went viral with its impregnated self, my proposal to insert my name into the “Middle” slot of the birth certificate has been psychotically submitted, with the words “DO THIS (if you know what’s good for your baby’s future)!” on the cover page and lots of footnotes in the shape of actual baby feet. Too aggressive, or just right?

Signs you’re probably on the literary D-list

Edumacation T-shirt

  • You’re the one who’s always emailing your publicist. “Hey there, just wanted to follow up on that follow-up email I sent you last week…” (It would probably be the other way around if things were really hopping.)
  • You show up for a book signing with two other authors and your significant others make up 45% of the audience. #roughestimate
  • Your dad tells you that your second book may be the one that really strikes a chord with America. You swear you can hear America laughing at you.