6 cheap decorating ideas to make your house less embarrassing

Can't put a price on $25 worth of fresh oxygen ... oops.
1. Refresh your moldy shower curtain.
Skip that $10k bathroom remodel and head to Target for a $10 shower curtain instead. Yes, you’ll still be stuck stepping into the same dank standard tub with golden shower head (no pun intended) every morning, but it’ll give your occasional houseguest something to admire while he/she makes your toilet gross.

 

9 tips for the next time you’re pulled over for speeding

Don't put your hands up ... he's going to shoot, anyway. A mixture of radar and douche-like particles.
Did your mother ever tell you not to speed? Mine did, especially on holiday weekends (more time for warnings). I listened. But according to the officer who pulled me over – quite possibly a rejected extra from 22 Jump Street – I was (allegedly) going 13 miles over on US Highway I-Should-Be-Able-To-Go-100-Because-There’s-Not-A-Car-In-Sight. Needless to say, I’m innocent.

My Anti New Year’s Resolutions

Forgetting to put a perpetual load of colors in ... consider it done, 2014!  According to a recent study I don’t feel like looking up, 92% of New Year’s resolutions fail. So before you make up a vague one about exercising daily-ish or becoming more organized with something you don’t feel like thinking about right now, why not show that incredibly high percentage who’s boss by setting a few far-more-attainable, bottom-rung goals for 2014?

Allow me to get the ball dropping. Here is a nowhere-near-exhaustive list of my goals for 2014 (I’m exhausting!):

  • Get upset about dumb things people say, twisting their words over and over in my head until I’m sufficiently offended by them. Repeat over the course of 2-3 days, then forget it ever happened.

10 reasons why Edumacation makes a great Christmas prize


10. It’s a great way to teach your wayward children a lesson they’ll never forget. Here’s how: Borrow an empty iPad Mini box from a rich friend, put The Edumacation of Jay Baker inside, and watch your child’s look of elation change to are-you-for-real? horror as they realize that it’s not a high-def touchscreen, just a measly old off-yellow book cover. Optional: Say something like, “That’s what happens when you don’t do your homework. Booyah!” Then download an app on your iPad and talk about how cool it is.