Ten tips for nabbing your very own literary agent

So, after years of torturing yourself beyond emotional repair, making several highly unnecessary sacrifices to the gods, and, finally, signing a contract (in blood) entitled Deal with the Devil, you’ve managed to finish your book. Yay! But here’s the funny thing about those esteemed publishers you’ve had your eye on since carefully crafting your first sentence. They don’t give a **** about you! So what’s a writer to do? Get your very own literary pimp, that’s what. Pimpin’ ain’t easy, though, so agents don’t represent just any Tom, Dick, or Rumplestiltskin. You have to convince them. Shamelessly shake your money-maker in their vicinity. Do whatever it takes to grab their attention and NEVER LET GO.