10 reasons why Edumacation makes a great Christmas prize

10. It’s a great way to teach your wayward children a lesson they’ll never forget. Here’s how: Borrow an empty iPad Mini box from a rich friend, put The Edumacation of Jay Baker inside, and watch your child’s look of elation change to are-you-for-real? horror as they realize that it’s not a high-def touchscreen, just a measly old off-yellow book cover. Optional: Say something like, “That’s what happens when you don’t do your homework. Booyah!” Then download an app on your iPad and talk about how cool it is.

The Worst-Selling Author’s Diet: revealed!

Becoming the worst-selling author of The Edumacation of Jay Baker didn’t happen overnight, brothahs and sistahs. Hellz no, I’m afraid it took years of constant anxiety, psychotic spurts of exercise in cramped spaces, and the occasional prescription medication to maximize my writerly output. But the most important contributor to my lack of success? My crappy diet, of course. What’s my secret? I’m glad I asked myself…

Should you be quitting crap more often?

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An optimist once said that if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. To which I ask this person, “What are you supposed to do when you repeatedly *#&$ something up?”

I have a sneaking suspicion whomever suggested you should keep on keeping on is one stupid, crazy MF’er. After all, the very definition of insanity is to keep farting out the same thing and expecting a different pile of poop to come out of your b-hole. Or something similar to that. Right or wrong?