- You wake up to your fiancee telling your sleepy face, “I killed one of those huge hoppy bugs in the shower. And a one of those many-legged buggy thingies. I felt kind of bad about it.” (You’re proud of her, and you know exactly which species she’s talking about, but you’ve never felt badly about scooping up water with your hands and drowning them in the drain.)
- You overhear an argument between your fiancee and and her mom re: whose job it is to clean up Daisy’s cat poop. You listen to the whole thing in morbid fascination, then sympathize (from a distance) when your fiancee comes down with a cat-sized wad of paper towels and a bottle of Kaboom!
- You spill something on the already stained carpet and you struggle to find a legitimate reason for cleaning it up. “Am I cleaning this up so Daisy can take a dump on it again?” you mutter to yourself, as you trod upstairs to get the Kaboom!
- You contemplate buying a humidifier to combat the below-ground dry air.
- Each night, as you lie sweating in bed, you pray the above-grounders living in the upstairs level turns off the air-conditioning because you’re already so hoooot. It’s just way too hot
in hell, isn’t it?
- Your fiancee has taken to using the random couch in your room as her second closet. You both call it a “couch closet” and enjoy laughing at your inside joke as much as possible. It’s also possible the two of you are a) dying from carbon monoxide poisoning or b) going insane as a result of living in the basement too long.
- You find yourself bargaining with your fiancee over whose turn it is to make a run to the fridge. You lose 90% of the time.
- You contemplate putting a mini-fridge by your bedside as the ultimate coping mechanism. Alas, if you do it, the temp of your Mountain Dew will be only slightly better than lukewarm, which is unacceptable.
To read the first entry in this undesirable-living-situation series, click here.
Haven’t gotten your Edumacation yet? Slacker!