1. Position thyself far away from the lens as possible. Jesus, thank you, closer is not better when it comes to selfies. That being said, be careful that your freakishly long arm or too-green shirt doesn’t overtake the true star of the show — your face!
2. Pretend like you’ve been caught off guard (by yourself), and you’re kind of reluctant to take a picture right now, yet you’re trying to be a good sport about it.
Many people wouldn’t classify tennis as a sport you can play, uh, with yourself, in the comfort of your own home, on the carpet. Well, I’m proving those haters wrong every day, albeit unnecessarily. How, you didn’t ask? I’m proud to say one of the best features of my home is the ad-hoc “tennis wall” I’ve started hitting regulation tennis balls against with weirdly devoted regularity. Am I improving my game in the process? I’d certainly like to convince myself so. And you can, too.
According to a recent study I don’t feel like looking up, 92% of New Year’s resolutions fail. So before you make up a vague one about exercising daily-ish or becoming more organized with something you don’t feel like thinking about right now, why not show that incredibly high percentage who’s boss by setting a few far-more-attainable, bottom-rung goals for 2014?
Allow me to get the ball dropping. Here is a nowhere-near-exhaustive list of my goals for 2014 (I’m exhausting!):
- Get upset about dumb things people say, twisting their words over and over in my head until I’m sufficiently offended by them. Repeat over the course of 2-3 days, then forget it ever happened.
1. No more thinking up topics to discuss over the phone. With iChat, the conversation just unfolds in the naturally boring way it was meant to unfold. Person A: “You’re going to bed already?” Person B: “Ugh, yeah, I’m exhausted tonight for some reason.” See, completely real and 100% small-talk free. Everybody wins.