For those of you who don’t stay up toward the ‘crack enough to see the Lumosity commercials with the dumb short-haired girl cheesing out that it’s “serious brain training” with an animated light bulb over her head, I hate you for getting more sleep than me. For the rest of you, you know you want to try that infomercially goodness, don’t you?
Stop right there, Mr./Ms. Clicky. I’ve tried it for you, been training my brain for the last 15 days, in fact, so you don’t have to waste your money/life.
Here’s what I’ve discovered about my brain through the
seemingly pointless neuroplasticity-building games of Lumosity:
1. My brain still wants to call this site/service/elaborate hoax Luminosity instead of Lumosity, which it feels dumb having me pronounce. I don’t blame you, brain!
2. Lumosity claims that their games are designed by neuroscientists, but my paranoid brain suspects this whole deal was designed by a group of sandal-wearing Harvard undergrads with obnoxious laughs who think they’re starring in The Social Network.
3. It doesn’t matter what the game, my brain will latch onto it, play it a million times, and suck the fun out of it, until I’m the BEST OF ALL TIME. Either that or it wants to quit right away and try something else. (Tip: Press the refresh button on your browser so a bad round doesn’t affect your overall score.)
4. Shooting birds that flash on the screen while simultaneously remembering a flashing letter doesn’t make me a better athlete and/or driver, as the site vaguely promises. It does, however, make me a better time-waster.
5. My brain thinks remembering where a series of blocks should be placed is annoying; again, I have a tendency to agree with my brain.
6. My brain is in the 90-somethingeth percentile of people in my age range. These people are probably monkeys that the aforementioned Harvard douches keep in their dorms as test subjects, but still … my brain is pretty impressive, no?
7. My brain really wants to believe the training is working, as indicated by me asking people, “Do I seem smarter lately?”
8. I’ve invited my sister and her husband to join me in training, so I don’t feel quite as dumb doing it myself. My trick worked. They’re hooked!
If, after reading all these “learnings” of mine, you’re still tempted to try Lumosity, I give you permission to click here. Just make sure you come back and post a comment about the experience. If you forget, then the training obviously didn’t work, sorry.
Oh, and apropos of whatever, you should probably download a free sample chapter of The Edumacation of Jay Baker.